to the retreat...

tavaivaasmi tavaivaasmi
na jivaami tvayaa vinaa
iti vijnaaya devi tvam
naya mam caranaantikam
I am Yours alone! I am Yours alone! I cannot live without You! O queen, please understand this and bring me to Your feet.-by Srila Raghunatha dasa Goswami

so tomorrow i will go to the winter retreat!swami tripurari will be there and devotees from his family and others too!
i will write about it here...but i wont have internet there...so it'll take some time!
try to survive...

j.

Message of the Bhagavat

this song makes me happy.but still "in praise of others" is the best shelter song ever!i mean the orginal version on attaining the supreme!

Shelter:Mantra
Earth can be a lonely place
Blank stares on the people's face
I contemplate their pointless chase
That traps me and my friends
Is this the place where I belong?
Where did we go wrong?
Will it last real long?
Are you too singing this song?
Sometimes I feel it
Sometimes I feel all so alone
And yes yes I must confess
I feel so far from home
Mantra take me home I trust you
Mantra take me home
Take me to the place where I belong
Life's a puzzle the thoughtful solve
But most choose not to get involved
Because of this we don't envolve
Just look around my friend
And life's meaning can be hard to grasp
All that's certain is it won't last
We're all spirits looking for transcendence
Oh mantra grant me tha independence

links of the day:
krsnacore-blog
http://sit properly
krsnacore

EDIT:
GOODLIFE SIGNS SHELTER
NYHC Legends sign worldwide deal with Good Life Recordings.

Good Life Recordings announces today, December 16th, 2005, a world-wide deal for the new Shelter- album, tentatively titled 'Eternal'.
Licensing partners for North and South America are welcomed.
'ETERNAL' includes 4-5 REAL hit songs and a reworked version of the classic 'In Defense of Reality', for a total of 11 songs on the album. Shelter have released a handful of classic albums on labels like Revelation Records, Equal Vision, Victory and Century Media. Their absolute hit-album was 'Mantra', released through Roadrunner Records in the 90's.
'Eternal' is back in the grand style of 'Mantra' days, and will NOT disappoint.
The seed that blossomed into SHELTER was planted years ago in the rich fields of the New York hardcore/punk scene of the mid-eighties. It was then that SHELTER vocalist Ray Cappo, and guitarist Porcell formed the legendary 80's hardcore band Youth Of Today. After the disbanding of Youth Of Today in 1988 Cappo left on a one-way ticket to India to study eastern philosophy, Sanskrit, natural medicine, and Yoga. The philosophies that Cappo learned became the backbone of SHELTER which he formed with Porcell upon his return to the U.S. Krishnacore was thus invented and brought to the masses.
As vocalist Ray Cappo puts it "I think music is like my "dharma" or calling. Everybody has something they feel natural at doing...so music did and will always magnetically drag me back even though sometimes I move away from it." Shelter sets themselves apart from other rock bands with their unique blend of spiritual and melodic, yet hard-edged music.
The bands message is one of hope and inspiration. Shelter champion vegetarianism, natural foods, and a positive drug-free lifestyle.

the big 3 0 ! ! !

Lord Siva said: "I do not know the truth about Krishna, but a devotee of Lord Krishna knows all the truth. Out of all the devotees of Lord Krishna, Prahlada is the greatest."

today is the auspicious appearance day of ME!!! ;)
now i've been fighting 30 years in this age of kali!
hopefully one day i will win the fight?!?

what is better to sing and listen on your birthday than MANASA DEHO GEHA by srila bhaktivinoda thakur.right now im listening srila a.c.bhaktivedanta swami prabhupada singing it! :)
Manasa Deho Geha
(from Saranagati by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur)
1
manasa, deho, geho, jo kichu mor
arpilu tuwa pade, nanda-kisor!
2
sampade vipade, jivane-marane
day mama gela, tuwa o-pada barane
3
marobirakhobi - jo iccha tohara
nitya-dasa prati tuwa adhikara
4
janmaobi moe iccha jadi tor
bhakta-grhe jani janma hau mor
5
kita-janma hau jatha tuwa das
bahir-mukha brahma-janme nahi as
6
bhukti-mukti-sprha vihina je bhakta
labhaite tako sanga anurakta
7
janaka, janani, dayita, tanay
prabhu, guru, pati--tuhu sarva-moy
8
bhakatvinoda kohe, suno kana!
radha-natha! tuhu hamara parana
1) Mind, body, and family, whatever may be mine, I have surrendered at Your lotus feet, O youthful son of Nanda!
2) In good fortune or in bad, in life or at death, all my difficulties have disappeared by choosing those feet of Yours as my only shelter.
3) Slay me or protect me as You wish, for You are the master of Your eternal servant.
4) If it is Your will that I be born again, then may it be in the home of Your devotee.
5) May I be born again even as a worm, so long as I may remain Your devotee. I have no desire to be born as a Brahma averse to You.
6) I yearn for the company of that devotee who is completely devoid of all desire for worldly enjoyment or liberation.
7) Father, mother, lover, son, Lord, preceptor, and husband; You are everything to me.
8) Thakura Bhaktivinoda says, "O Kana, please hear me! O Lord of Radha, You are my life and soul!"

the link is to ASHE-journals KRISHNA CONCIOUNESS special number.it has some nice writings.you can read it online or download the PDF.
ASHE-journal

this link is to the VERANDA VIEWS site.many many pictures of my guru maharaja.
VERANDA VIEWS

online vaisnava songbook
vaisnava songbook

offering....

this is one of my favorite bhajans.its the first verse of Ista-deve Vijnapti by Srila Narottama Dasa Thakura.
"hari hari! bifale janama gonainu
manusya-janama paiya, radha-krsna na bhajiya,
janiya suniya bisa khainu
O Lord Hari I have spent my life uselessly. Having obtained a human birth and having not worshipped Radha and Krsna, I have knowingly drunk poison."
drinking poison is pretty easy at this age of kali.we are living in middle of poison!

i just wrote my offering to my guru maharaja b.s.govinda maharaja...this time it was really hard...i think i had "writers block" or something... :( at least i wrote something...

radha-krsna prana mora jugala-kisora
jivane marane gati aro nahi mora
The divine couple, Sri Radha and Krsna, are my life and soul. In life or death I have no other refuge but Them. from Sakhi-vrnde Vijnapti by Srila Narottama Dasa Thakura

jaiva dharma

im right now trying to get my butt up from the floor...im going to jaiva dharma meeting.there we read,talk and eat...sometimes chanting singing...but more later...

its actually krisangis fault that im going there.cause she informed that there is some VEGAN prasadam for me the non-barbarian!!! ;)

jay jay sri radhe radhe ! ! !

.family tree.

"And then I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness" - lyrics of I See Darkness by Johnny Cash

im writing this while listening to mr.johnny cash!
this blog is my desperate try to be in contact with my spiritual family and this is also krsna conciouness therapy to me! ;)
as being the only disciple of srila b.s.sundar govinda maharaja here in finland.i pretty often feel left alone...i know that i have lots of great devotee friends around me,but still...
and soon my dear gurudevas vyasapuja will come and again i will have a party alone with my deitys...
i feel like a teen kid now rambling about how bad his parents are etc. :)

"Jesus If you hear my last breath
Don't leave me here Left to die a lonely death I know I have sinned but Lord I'm suffering" - lyrics of Spiritual by Johnny Cash

to surrender?

"There are various types of infinite. The highest conception of the infinite is: He is so beautiful and attractive that He is attracting all to surrender to Him." - Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaja

how do i surrender?

"anukulyasya sankalpah, pratikulya-vivarjjanam
raksisyatiti visvaso, goptrtve varanam tatha
atma-niksepa karpanye, sad-vidha sarnagathi"

"Acceptance of those things favorable to devotional service, the rejection of unfavorable things, the conviction that Krsna will give me protection, the acceptance of Krsna as one's guardian or master, full self-surrender, and humility are the six types of surrender." - Hari-bhakti-vilasa

by mercy of sri guru and vaisnavas maybe one day....

Help me see YOU in everything and everything in
YOU;
When will I appreciate all that YOU do?
Even pain in this world is to help us see the reality
of material misery.
Please help me transcend, I want it to end.
Happiness without YOU, I can only pretend.
And 'cause YOU'RE so kind, YOU give us a mind to
choose to love YOU or leave YOU behind.
Forgetting reality, we create this duality.. and I'm
sick of this fallacy...... - Saranagati by Shelter

please open my eyes...

another one...

on the pic:Swami B.A. Paramadvaiti and his godbrother Tripurari Swami (also my dear siksa-guru)

i just got in contact again with a dear friend Pancatattwa das he is disciple of my very dear siksa guru Swami B.A. Paramadvaiti and i got lots of great links from pancatattwa!
one is http://www.asktheswami.org such a nice Q&A site...check it out!
here is a link to pancatattwa's blog: http://pancatattwa.blogspot.com/

"But what does it mean to live an enlightened life? An enlightened life does not mean closing the eyes and seeing nothing but light. An enlightened life means enlightened actions and efforts. That is what spiritual life is all about. There are no borders and walls to stop your love and mercy."

next summer im going to sweden to meet Swami B.A. Paramadvaiti!!!this time im really going and im taking mohan with me!!! :)

something i have forgotten...

jay!
so here is the picture of my lord shiva altar that i said that i will post!
from left to right:
tilak paste(gopi chandan),lord ganesha in his baby form with a sweet in his hand,my japa bag and my other kuntimalas,sri shiva lingam and picture of lord jagannath that i couldnt fit on the main altar!
behind are pictures of:
my favorite picture of little ganesha hugging shiva lingam(i have it also as a big poster on my wall),family of lord shiva and durga devi!

vyasa-puja

i just checked www.scsmath.com and my gurudevas vyasa-puja fest starts on the 16th the same day as my 30 birthday!!! ;) so its mahamahavyasapuja!!
and this means that i will have to write vyasa-puja offering...oh..

more later when i have an inspiration...

"Who is a guru? Only one who will exclusively guide me to Krsna and Mahaprabhu, with devotion. he is my guru, whatever he may be."-srila b.r.sridhar maharaja

late night...

im sitting on my sofa and listening to some krsna internet radio...some nice bhajans.basic bhajans,no newage whalesounds or other computer wierdness! :) sri gurvastakam is playing now...
im supposed to be in bed sleeping,not here on the computer.im hyper active now cause,i was at a punkshow today.its like a great noisy kirtan where you can shout the lyrics as loud as possible.you can roar like lord narasimhadeva! :) make the earth rumble.

"Then from within the pillar came a fearful sound, which appeared to crack the covering of the universe. O my dear Yudhishthira, this sound reached even the abodes of the demigods like Lord Brahma, and when the demigods heard it, they thought, "Oh, now our planets are being destroyed!""-SB.7.8.15

maybe oneday my shouts to the lord will be heard?but i dont think that my shouts will scare lord brahma!! :D

one thing that im waiting now is that my dear dear friend mohan/miikka will come to my place next week and he will stay here for maybe 5 days?!? :D we are gonna stay up late and listen to some "great"music and of course we will try to worship lord krsna somehow?we normally try to offer some prasadam and just stare 'em... :)

jay sri sri gaura-nitai ki-jay!

"The bhakti-yoga we are teaching in this Krsna consciousness movement twenty-four hours' engagement. Superficially we engage from four o'clock in the morning till ten o'clock at night, and that is resting time. But when one is advanced in devotional service, while sleeping he also serves Krsna. That means twenty-four hours, satatam. ...in sleeping you also dream, so what we do during daytime we dream at night."
Srila Prabhupada Lecture on Srimad-Bhagavatam, 11-11-76, Vrindaban
...maybe oneday...

i end this tired writing here.

ps."Whoever sincerely will help me to go towards Krsna, he is siksa guru."-srila b.r.sridhar maharaja
so i will need your help.be my siksa guru!

creeper of devotion...

"suddha-bhakata-carana-renu,
bhajana-anukula
bhakata-seva, parama-siddhi,
prema-latikara mula
The dust of the lotus feet of pure devotees,
enthusiastic devotional service,
and service to the pure devotees of
the highest order are the roots of the
creeper of devotion"-first verse of suddha-bhakata by sri bhaktivinoda thakura

for some reason i GOOGLEd those lyrics to read today.here im listening to PIXIES while reading these lyrics....

the picture up there is my whole altar.
on the left up is sri lakshmi-narasimhadeva(brought to me by madhavananda),next is my most merciful sri sri gaura-nitai(they came to me from former devotees),on the right is sri yoga-narasimhadeva(he travels with gaura-nitai allways)
on the middle there is pictures of srila b.s.govinda maharaja(my gurudeva),srila a.c.bhaktivedanta swami prabhupada,srila b.r.sridhar maharaja,srila bhaktisiddhanta swami prabhupada.
on the lower level there is a picture of lord shiva and his family(i also have altar of lord shiva in lingam form under my main altar,picture in my next post) and on the right corner there is sri hanumanji!!!
there are also lots of pictures around the deitys.sri radha-krsna,lord narasimhadeva,gaura-nitai of finland iskcon,sri sri sita-ram-laksman-hanuman,etc.

i also have sri jagannath-baladeva-subadra deitys in a box sleeping and waiting for the day when they will get back to the altar or somewhere...i got them also from a former devotee.who once phoned me and said that:"i still have jagannath in my box and i want you to take 'em?!"

my puja to the deitys is not regular in any sense...but i still try to offer them prasadam as often as possible.as i cant sing like a gandharva i try to play some bhajan/kirtan cd's to them.but oneday when im old and single and brahmin i will start super puja everyday!!! :D

this was a little briefing to the wonderful world of my altar! :) more will come...

this is one of my favorite deity oriented website: http://www.salagram.net/Sri-Shaligram-Tirtha.htm
i have allways been attracted to the form of shaligram and govardhan silas.

...but now i have to sell some punkrock...

another one.

"What we need are good is friends and association. Then we can proceed happily. And the other factor is that if our surrender is perfect, then from the upper level faith will come to us and protect us"-srila b.s.govinda maharaja

so here it is.the crazy KC-BLOG that i have told to couple of my friends.what i will write here are my views and are not to be taken too seriously and im not writing them here to offend anyone.thats why there is possibility to comment on them...but remember i have the power to delete 'em...heh!

on the first post you see picture of my deitys sri sri gaura-nitai and middle of them is a picture of the local ISKCON gaura-nitai deitys.that i miss sooo much...as some of you know that i was banned from the local temple for the reason that i have taken initiation outside of ISKCON...but thats for the politics.no more of it.maybe one day i will get the chance to see the dear deitys once again and dance infront of them?!?

i started this blog to boost my spiritual life even little more...as nowadays its really hard to take up the beadbag into my hand and chant chant chant...so this is somehow a my offering to lords holynames!right now im listening to some bhajan/kirtan mp3's.

bhakti tirtha swami is singing.one of the last recordings before his passing away.you can hear when he start to cry...

im not too philosophically educated.so dont be scared if i start quoting videogames or tv-programs here! :D

"I must follow what I understand, my aspiration. Friends may be converted into foes. Foes may be converted into friends. But I must stick to my ideal."-srila b.r.sridhar maharaja

hopefully i dont convert you guys into foes???

the fast first post.

radhe radhe.
this is going to be a really fast post...
i will write here some stories and thoughts on my road back home..back to godhead...
so beware...these are my thoughts...

servant of the servants jananivas das