Jay Sri Radhe!!!!

Its been allmost five yes FIVE years since i have written anything here....sorry internet.
Im still alive.
Still believing that the blue dude living in vrindavan is god!
I have more gray hair now.
I try to write more here...lets see what happens....
My gurudeva's dissappearance day is coming up soon...

I want to offer this to my dear friend Mohan who has been fighting maya with me for long time!!

And to Srimati Vedika Devi the true viking warrior from hawaii!

TO SRI SRI GURU AND SRI GAURANGA who are helping me on the road back home to SRI SRI RADHA KRISHNA!!!!!

"Faith is the jiva-soul's true and best property. Faith is always the friend of everyone, and if we have faith in Krishna consciousness, we will be able to adjust everything."

- Srila Govinda Maharaj

nitai gaura hari haribol.

im still alive.
im still a devotee.
<3

just chant and be happy...

“Instead of offering obeisances to Krishna, devotees offer obeisances to His compassionate nature. Actually , because Krishna is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, it is very difficult to approach Him. But the devotees, taking advantage of His compassionate nature, which is represented by Radharani, always pray to Radharani for Krishna’s compassion.” (NOD pg. 176)
- Srila AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada

nitai nitai nitai....

Nitai Guna Mani

(1)
nitāi guṇa-maṇi āmār nitāi guṇa-maṇi
āniyā premer vanyā bhāsāilo avanī

(2)
premer vanyā loiyā nitāi āilā gauḍa-deśe
ḍubilo bhakata-gaṇa dīna hīna bhāse

(3)
dīna hīna patita pāmara nāhi bāche
brahmār durlabha prema sabākāre jāce

(4)
ābaddha karuṇā-sindhu niṭāi kāṭiyā muhān
ghare ghare bule prema-amiyār bān

(5)
locan bole mor nitāi jebā nā bhajilo
jāniyā śuniyā sei ātma-ghātī hoilo

TRANSLATION

1) My Lord Nityananda, the jewel of all virtues, my Lord Nityananda, the jewel of all virtues, has brought the flood of ecstatic love of God that has drowned the entire world.

2) Bringing this overwhelming deluge of prema when He returned to Bengal from Jagannatha Puri on Lord Caitanya's order, Nitai has inundated the assembly of devotees. The fallen nondevotees did not drown, however, but remained floating on that ecstatic ocean.

3) Lord Nityananda freely offered this exalted prema, which is difficult for Lord Brahma to attain, even to the fallen and wretched souls who did not desire it.

4) The ocean of mercy had formerly been sealed tight, but Nitai cut a channel in its boundary to allow the great flooding waves of nectarean prema to splash from house to house.

5) Locana dasa says, "Whoever has not worshiped my Nitai or taken advantage of this excellent opportunity offered by Him knowingly commits suicide."

5 years...

tvad-alokana-kalahi-
damsair eva mrtam janam
tvat-padabja-milal-laksa-
bhesajair devi jivaya

O Radharani, the queen of Vrndavana, with the medicine of the red lac from Your lotus feet, please bring back to life this person now dead from the bites of the black snake of not seeing You.

5 years ago i got initiated by my guru maharaja srila bhakti sundar govinda maharaja.
5 years and im still lost and trying to find my way out of this maze called maya!
one thing that has been hard for me is that i really havent felt that i have had an vaisnava family around me...as being the only disciple of my guru maharaja here in finland its been hard.i have devotee friends that do help me and give me advices,but that doesnt feel like home...
my most precious devotee friend is mohan.we've known each other for too many years! ;) his a disciple of srila narayana maharaja.we can talk about anything.about krishna,radha,new records,what punkshows we have been,etc! ;)
his a friend that helps me to go forward and i hope that i help him equally too!

but yeah 5 years...thats long...worst part is that i check the www.scsmath.com website almost daily and it hasnt been updated in a long time...i have written couple emails there and no answer...
the last update is this:
Srila Gurudev is recovering back at the Dum Dum Park Temple, Kolkata, after being in hospital for two weeks. Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj is feeling considerable relief. In hospital he received constant monitoring for two days before being transferred to a private room. He then underwent further tests, scans and x-rays to determine the cause of pain. His Divine Grace is now feeling more comfortable after doctors acted on the test results. May the devotees' prayers aid Srila Govinda Maharaj's quick recovery. (Updated 28 November.)

i've written there and have asked if guru maharaja is ok?
i dont really know...i've tried to google...nothing... :'(

im still just one of those foolish kids lost in the shadows and dirty alleys of maya...
i pray to all of you vaisnavas to help me find the way out...
chant and be happy.
your foolish friend jananivas das

here's a little prayer to guru:

amsho bhagavato 'smy aham

sada daso 'smi sarvatha

tat-kripapakshako nityam

tat-preshthasat karomi svam

"I am a tiny part and parcel of the Supreme Lord and I am always and in every way His eternal servant. As I am always hoping for His mercy and kindness, I offer myself to His most dear servitor, my spiritual master."

CHANT ALWAYS THE NAME OF HARI!!!

"He inundated the whole universe of countless living beings - whether brahmanas, ksatriyas, vaisyas, sudras, less than sudras, and even mlecchas, with the oceanic nectar of the holy name of Sri Radha- ­ Krishna. Although unapproachable by the liberationists and yogic perfectionists, he is the friend of the fallen, the personified mercy potency of Sri Gauranga. O Dina-nayana, wherever that great soul may be, please swiftly take this servitor there."

i have been super lazy on writing here...yeah,im alive and still serving lord krishna and vaisnavas.

radhe radhe radhe

maybe someday i will write more here...this is just something...remember krishna and never forget him.