5 years...

tvad-alokana-kalahi-
damsair eva mrtam janam
tvat-padabja-milal-laksa-
bhesajair devi jivaya

O Radharani, the queen of Vrndavana, with the medicine of the red lac from Your lotus feet, please bring back to life this person now dead from the bites of the black snake of not seeing You.

5 years ago i got initiated by my guru maharaja srila bhakti sundar govinda maharaja.
5 years and im still lost and trying to find my way out of this maze called maya!
one thing that has been hard for me is that i really havent felt that i have had an vaisnava family around me...as being the only disciple of my guru maharaja here in finland its been hard.i have devotee friends that do help me and give me advices,but that doesnt feel like home...
my most precious devotee friend is mohan.we've known each other for too many years! ;) his a disciple of srila narayana maharaja.we can talk about anything.about krishna,radha,new records,what punkshows we have been,etc! ;)
his a friend that helps me to go forward and i hope that i help him equally too!

but yeah 5 years...thats long...worst part is that i check the www.scsmath.com website almost daily and it hasnt been updated in a long time...i have written couple emails there and no answer...
the last update is this:
Srila Gurudev is recovering back at the Dum Dum Park Temple, Kolkata, after being in hospital for two weeks. Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj is feeling considerable relief. In hospital he received constant monitoring for two days before being transferred to a private room. He then underwent further tests, scans and x-rays to determine the cause of pain. His Divine Grace is now feeling more comfortable after doctors acted on the test results. May the devotees' prayers aid Srila Govinda Maharaj's quick recovery. (Updated 28 November.)

i've written there and have asked if guru maharaja is ok?
i dont really know...i've tried to google...nothing... :'(

im still just one of those foolish kids lost in the shadows and dirty alleys of maya...
i pray to all of you vaisnavas to help me find the way out...
chant and be happy.
your foolish friend jananivas das

here's a little prayer to guru:

amsho bhagavato 'smy aham

sada daso 'smi sarvatha

tat-kripapakshako nityam

tat-preshthasat karomi svam

"I am a tiny part and parcel of the Supreme Lord and I am always and in every way His eternal servant. As I am always hoping for His mercy and kindness, I offer myself to His most dear servitor, my spiritual master."